Emotional Regulation in a Time of Genocide
t makes sense to feel bad when bad things are happening. When we are watching people being bombed and shot and murdered on our phones, it is a reasonable response to feel rage, and sadness and horror. These are horrific things. Simultaneously humans cannot exist in a state of abject horror 24/7 it is simply not possible. There is almost a sense of whiplash at the moment where people’s Instagram stories are filled with the causalities of genocide and war-crimes, sandwiched in between outfit posts, what someone ate for breakfast and the other parts of every day life. I don’t have anything insightful about this, other than it is a disturbing fact of contemporary life, that this is most people’s everyday reality.
If our brains cannot exist in a state of horror constantly, without becoming numb or burned out, how do we cope? More importantly how do we cope in ways that are in line with our values?
We live in a time now where people frequently interpret feeling bad, or being ‘made’ to feel bad as a form of punishment or harm. Some people internalise the idea that if looking at something makes me feel bad I shouldn’t have to look at it. I can totally understand why people adopt this view, but I don’t think its helpful. Instead, if we apply a feelings competence approach, we recognise that a feeling isn’t a problem in and of itself, but instead a message from our self about what is important to us. Our goal then, isn’t to get rid of the bad feelings, but make use of them appropriately. When we feel rage and horror because an injustice is happening, our brains and our bodies are telling us to do something. However what then usually kicks in, when we are dealing with big issues like genocide and climate change, is a sense of hopelessness, this idea that nothing I do matters. Therefore it is pointless for me to do anything.
In some ways that is true! No individual action will ever be significant enough, the part that is untrue however is that this makes it pointless to do anything. Any action no matter how small is better than no action. So emotional regulation in a time of genocide actually requires us to take action in response to those bad feelings. Emotional regulation in a time of genocide, is not about shielding ourselves or hiding from bad things, this is the opposite of good emotional regulation. Instead in order to be regulated, our feelings are asking as to take collective action. This has a number of benefits. Firstly in order to take an action, we need to figure out what actions are already being taken which can be really heartening. Secondly, it makes us build relationships and networks with other people who care, this both makes a movement stronger but is also really supportive of our mental health!
The other part of this is the pain, anger and frustration we feel because other people want to shield themselves from bad things, or do not see what is happening as a problem in the first place. It is important to remember that we are all products of the world that we live in. Some of us, through privileges like education, friendships, community etc… have been gifted with ability to envision a different world. Not everyone has that. Yes there are some people who hold on to the inequity of the current world we live in because it benefits them, but by in large, most people are just trying to get by. It is important to remember the gravitational weight of the structure that we exist inside of. Our education system, news media, social media algorithims and many other structures are set up to reinforce the status quo. It is not individual people’s fault that this works! Some of the actions we might want to consider taking, are having conversations people that have different opinions from us, with the idea of building relationships, rather than trying to convince them or win them over. You can find out a little bit more about this idea in the links section below.
It is important to remember to direct your energy and action, to structures and people in power and focus on relationship building with others. It is a gift to be able to envision a different world, and the goal is to share that vision with others in a way they can see it and understand their place in it.
Links!
Actions you can take
https://justiceforpalestine.nz/
Resources for having difficult conversations and protest